So there has been a lot of hype about the 50 Shades Trilogy. I decided to read it to see what the fuss is all about. Although the writing is not the best and the author could use the help of a thesaurus, the story was enjoyable and the sex was ... interesting. Besides the BDSM stuff, it has the formula of a typical erotic romance novel. It's always entertaining when I read these things because some of the content is pretty ridiculous, but very much enjoyable. So here, I've decided to talk about some of the cliches of these types of novels.
1. His goods are always HUGE!
Why is the penis of the leading male always "magnificently large" or something to that extent? He can't just be "big" or "big enough." No. He has to have "considerable length" or something or other. To help you get a better idea of what I'm talking about, here's an excerpt from 50 Shades of Grey:
"It's so big and growing. His erection is above the water line, the water lapping at his hips ... He's enjoying my astounded expression. I realize that I'm staring. I swallow. That was inside me! It doesn't seem possible."
See what I mean? Why does the leading man's junk always have to be so huge? I am an asian female and I'd be scared out of my mind if I saw a guy with such a huge junk. It sounds ... painful!
This reminds me of a Sex and the City episode where one of Samantha's lovers was self conscious of his huge penis because it scares women away. She had to assure him that it would not scare her away because she likes it big. At first, Samantha is pleased to see the size of his goods ... until they have sex. To make a long story short, she finds the sex to be very painful because of his size and they eventually break up. See? If even Samantha Jones, the most promiscous woman known to television, can be deterred by someone who is too big, it might not be a good idea after all to focus on a character's remarkably large asset. But I guess it wouldn't be as arousing to say that his penis is "average." I guess I will just have to imagine his "average sized" penis myself.
2. The men are unbelievably good looking and every other woman ogle him everywhere he goes.
Why does the leading man/love interest have to be so georgous? For example, in the 50 Shades Trilogy, Christian Grey is often compared to an Adonis. In every paranormal romance novel at least, the guy is mind-blowingly beautiful. It's not enough that he's just aesthetically pleasing but he has to be god-like in the looks department too. Why is this so?
I don't know about you but I would feel completely stressed out being with someone so remarkably handsome. If he looks so good, this would mean that women left and right would be throwing themselves at him, which means more temptation, which means you would always have to worry about another female catching his eyes! Sure. He's ignoring them now but how about in a few years when he's tired of having sex with you and wants something new? Ugh. I would just die! My mom always said, find a man that just looks ok but treats you like a queen. This way, you don't have to worry about other women trying to get at him. But I digress.
In Twilight (which I am embarrassed to say that I read), all the vampires are good looking and beautiful. Does this mean that if you are just, meh, when you were human, you would turn into some georgous being when you become a vampire? So all vampires are beautiful despite the way they looked as humans?! If this is so, I want to be one too! Note: I know Twilight is not an erotic novel.
3. He's extremely good in bed and can make you come again and again, and, even with with the slightest touch of his fingers!
OK. So he's extremely hot and has had a lot of practice. But really?! He can make you come with the slightest touch of his fingers? So he's barely touching you and you come? His fingers aren't even tired? What?! And intercourse is just a bonus! And the sex usual goes like this: He will make you come with his fingers, then he will give you head until you come, and finally he will fuck you until you come ... again!
4. They always fall in love after only days or weeks of knowing each other.
I know that it's just a work of fiction and I should suspend disbelief, but why do these characters fall in love so quickly? And not just in love, but head over heels in love. The kind of love that makes you want to sacrifice your life for that person. No offense but I have yet to meet a man that I would risk my life for after knowing him just a couple of days or weeks. You're going to have to work harder than that, buddy. And another thing. If he has fallen in love with you so quickly, whose to say that he won't do the same a few years down the road with some other woman? Oh the stresses of being with someone so beautiful!
So the list will go on forever if I continue because there are many more cliches to mention. Despite this, I still enjoy reading these types of novels. Needless to say, these are essential porn for women so what's not to like?
