So my BF and I have been together for almost five years now and the discussion of marriage has come up a few times. Our discussions about this topic usually gets nowhere because they eventually evolve into arguments. Why do we always end up arguing when we talk about marriage? The answer is quite simple. I refuse to change my last name. He, on the other hand, insists that any woman that he is going to marry will have to change her last name. WTF?! Why? Why would I have to change my last name?
Now you may think that changing your last name after marriage is no big deal. It's just a name. Who cares? Well. IT'S A BIG DEAL TO ME!!! There are several reasons why I REFUSE to ever change my last name.
1. Because it is MY name.
Yes. It is my name. The name that I have had my whole entire life. That is my name on my high school diploma, all my college degrees, and all my college transcripts. I earned all those with this name. I've received several awards and achievements with this name. You expect me to just give it all up and change it? Growing up, I was very self conscious about my first name because it was not a common name like all the other american girls. My last name is also not very common compared to those in my culture. In fact, I hated my name and wanted to desperately change it. As an adult, I have come to appreciate and embrace the uniqueness of my name, first and last. I'm glad I never changed it because I have come to cherish it. So now that I have finally come to love my name, you want me to change it? No way!
2. It's goes against the traditions of my culture.
I come from a matriarchal society. This means that women do not change their last name after marriage. My mom did not change her last name when she married my dad and this is what I have come to regard as normal. Therefore, I want to uphold the traditions of my people and keep my last name as well. I am proud of who I am and where I came from and I want to show that.
3. I am NOT property, dammit!
So back in the day (when women had no rights), women changed their last name because they were going from their father's house to their husband's house. Therefore, they had to take on their husband's last name because they were now the property of the husband. Wow! With roots like that, I feel that it's kind of a demeaning tradition to upkeep. Yes, I know. It doesn't mean that anymore. But just the fact that it used to mean something so degrading to women makes me so against it. The feminist inside me refuses to conform.
4. It's too much work.
So to change my last name, I would have to go and change it on my driver's license, social security card, passport, and all my credit cards. Not to mention bank accounts and work related things.Why should I have to go through all that trouble? And. If we were ever to get a divorce or something, I would have to go through all that trouble to change it back. No thank you! Life is too short to waste my time on such nonsense.
5. It just doesn't sound right.
My first name can't just go with any old last name. Honestly, it just doesn't sound right with my BF's last name or any other last name for that matter.
My BF has also mentioned hyphenation. How about I just hyphenate my last name if I don't want to change it completely. Yes, that sounds like a logical compromise, doesn't it? Well, I still think that's kind of dumb. Will he be hyphenating his last name too? Of course not. Also, please refer to reasons one, two, four and five from the above list.
I just don't see why guys make such a big deal about women changing their last names after marriage. Isn't it enough that the children will get HIS last name? Why does his wife need to take his last name as well? I feel that men still secretly regard women as property. Otherwise, why would it matter whether a woman changes her last name or not. Shouldn't she be able to make her own decision without any interference from the husband?
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